Attempting to get back on my feet

So it’s been goodness knows how long since I’ve been well enough to tackle an assignment – I must admit the idea of starting the task in itself is rather daunting. Where I used to relish in challenges, I now retreat almost instinctively as a reflex. It stresses me out and makes me feel anxious. I view it as if it’s some mountain towering above me, even though I know that isn’t the case. In actuality, this particular tasks is just a few slides as a part of a group presentation. That’s all it is. Just a few slides. Got to take it step by step. Funny, huh? How anxiety can blow something seemingly simple into something that leaves me feeling rather overwhelmed. Gotta breathe a bit before I continue this post. In a very fragile state at the moment, not a big fan of it but still I’m grateful for having survived the first few weeks of side effects the medication had on me. I really don’t have any other word for it than it having felt like utter hell, as mentioned in my last post. But here exactly a week later, I’ve still got air in my lungs and although I may have a bit of a brain fog, I slowly feel myself balancing out again. It’s in times like this that I have to look for the light in all the dark. There’s a quote I particularly like in regards to this though I’m not sure where it’s from “No matter how many times we burst into flames, we can always rise from the ashes”. I can only try to tell myself to look at it from the perspective of how much this strengthens me so early on in life, and to allow it to grow me into someone who can “be the change [I] wish to see in the world”. This quote I know for sure is from Gandhi. Life’s funny huh. With all its ups and downs, and sudden upheavals out of nowhere that come in the form of the most unexpected circumstances. Can really knock you off, but as I’ve come to realize especially in the recent weeks we all have our battles to fight. We’re not alone. People have been through what we’re going through. People have gotten through it. And those that do, tell you it’s worth it. To press on. Those still in it, tell me to keep pushing for both our sakes. My mother likes to refers to any challenge that comes my way as a test and to trust that God doesn’t give me anything I can’t handle, so I must believe in myself. All I can say is I’m doing what I can. With what I’ve got. And I’m thankful that despite the illness, I have had much goodness surrounding me. As a friend put it to me yesterday, I am incredibly lucky to have the care of the family that I do in this difficult time. I can’t imagine how one would get through it without such a constant support in place. They’re a large part of the reason why I’m still here till this day. We’ve had our conflicts. We’ve had our sore beginnings, but ultimately I’ve learned through this crisis that my family can be depended upon. Alright, time to attempt this assignment. Breathe. I can do this.

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