Why can’t I forget? Why did you suddenly disappear? What happened to you? I don’t understand it. Why do I still fucking care? Why can’t I leave you behind? Why do I still think of you? Why can’t I let go? Lord, what significance is he supposed to represent to me? What is your will? What do I do? Do I just pray? Is that what you want? For me to pray for him? But Lord, how do I let him go if he’s always in my prayers? I don’t understand it. And I don’t understand why I feel called to do it. Or am I just imagining it? I’m so confused. But as soon as I ask it, the words No, I have to pray for him pop into my head. What’s happened to him, Lord? Why do I feel so compelled? I don’t get it. Don’t you want me to let him go? Is he even alive? What if he’s dead? Lord, please guide me.

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