Disconnected

non_conformity_2_by_bjizzle85On another note, I’ve been feeling weirdly disconnected lately. From God. I wonder if it’s related to a decline in my mood and a lack of motivation. Maybe, maybe not. I don’t know. I know it did start when I decided to sod it and engage in premarital sex when my boyfriend flew over though. Sin separates us from God, they say. I believe it. At the time, I was just kind of fed up by feeling so restrained and like I was a super good person. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Heck, it’s great to be a good person. I wish I was a better person. But it just didn’t feel like me. Surely there has to be a way to follow God’s wishes without compromising aspects of my personality that I feel are more interesting? I dunno…I guess I don’t really like feeling like I’ve lost my individual identity. I feel like I’ve conformed and flattened my character down. There’s got to be a way to balance it surely? Am I just going about it the wrong way? Viewing it differently from how I really should? I feel frustrated. And when I’m frustrated, I feel caught at a standstill. Argh. Just. ARGH.

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