LIMAX MAXIMUSAgain, caffeine. I don’t know if I’ve mentioned already but I’m supposed to steer clear of the stuff. Supposed to. Yet I never really do, save for days when I’m more anxious than normal. Like on the date of a presentation, for instance. But I shouldn’t really anyway. It spikes me up when I’d otherwise be more calm. So why do I do it? Well, for one, it wakes me up a little. I’m highly sensitive to the weather and what with it being chilly and gray over here at the moment, I’m feeling incredibly lethargic and sluggish…which is another way of saying, downright lazy. In my case, anyway. So I need it. At least that’s what I tell myself. I probably don’t really. I hear exercise is just as, if not more effective when it comes to energizing oneself and bettering mental health so I really should get around to it. Again, here I go with the I shoulds and supposed to…yet it’s often the case I barely lift a finger. When the holidays roll over, I’ll do it is what I tell myself. Previously, I’d been so busy with all the deadlines and the practicum placement that I genuinely didn’t have the time to. But now with that out of the way, a part of me still wants to use that excuse. I finished my last deadline the day before and the exams are a month away so in all honesty, there is nothing but a lack of will power and self-discipline stopping me. Improved health and well-being should be enough of a reason to motivate me to getting around to it but it just isn’t. It’s quite sad, really. That I only really pay attention to my health when it’s under dire circumstances. Shouldn’t be that way. Sigh. I know this, I see this, so why can’t I fucking get myself to do anything about it? My room’s a pig sty as we speak. Doesn’t help in the whole getting my shit together mood. Biggest accomplishments of the day was buying my boyfriend a model of an early plane (he loves planes), helping my sister with an assignment and getting Christmas cards to friends and lecturers out of the way. I could do more. I should do more. There we go again, with the shoulds. Hopefully, when I come back on here – which I suspect won’t be much later, I’ll have made some improvement. At least, I hope I can share that I’ve done my room.

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